Life in Chaos: 7 Essential Strategies For Calming An Anxious Mind
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Life has never been busier.
With advances in technology, life was supposed to get easier, less stressful and provide more free time.
Not so much!
For many people, a lack of time is a primary complaint as we lead busy, hectic lives that commonly involve going to work or school, raising kids, paying bills, running a household and so on.
And to compound matters, we are all doing this with a 200,000 year old brain.
Why does that matter?
Because the human brain’s primary mission isn’t to keep us cool and calm under pressure while we lead full, busy lives. Instead, the brain is focused on keeping us safe.
And to be fair, it has done a pretty, darn good job for hundreds of thousands of years as we continue to evolve as the homo sapiens species.
Now, for the downside.
For the last 50,000 years, there have been no sabre tooth tigers to outrun or other physical threats to contend with on a consistent basis (well, that actually is a pretty good thing!).
But unfortunately, the brain is now focused on keeping us safe from a myriad of other things that aren’t life threatening such as financial difficulties, relationship issues, economic concerns, the safety of your children and even more rudimentary things such as the number of likes your last Facebook post received.
Not surprisingly, with life being more busy and complex than ever, we are now more stressed and anxious than at any other time in human history.
There is good news though.
You happen to have at your disposal the most powerful computer on planet earth between your ears.
You just need to get better at knowing how to take command of it and direct it to do what you want.
Below, we will look at 7 ways to do just that:
1. Change Your Physiology
It might seem a bit strange that I spent the entire introduction of this article talking about the mind only to have my first point be about the body.
But, here’s why:
When we feel stressed, anxious, overwhelmed, etc., the quickest way to change that experience is to change your physiology.
And here are 3 ways to go about that:
- Deep Breathing – When we feel stressed/anxious, we usually settle into a pattern of taking shallow breaths, from the chest, which interferes with our ability to achieve a greater sense of peace and calm. So, the first step in changing this pattern is to take slow, deep breaths from the abdomen. Simply making a point of breathing this way for a minute or two and checking in with yourself every 30 minutes or so to repeat the pattern will help to settle your nervous system. If you would like a more dramatic effect, you can try engaging in a 5-5-5 breathing pattern. This involves:
- Repeat this pattern 10 times and it will help to lower your heart rate and blood pressure, as well as create a greater sense of calm.
- Learn muscle relaxation – There are many different muscle relaxation techniques but I will briefly describe 2 of the more common ones here:
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- Autogenic training: involves lying in a comfortable position and listening to a relaxing audio recording, such as sounds of nature, ocean waves etc. The goal with this form of muscle relaxation is to breathe comfortably and mentally focus on creating a sense of relaxation in each individual body part as you scan your body from head to toe.
- Progressive muscle relaxation: involves tensing and releasing different muscle groups as you complete a body scan from head to toe. The goal of this exercise is to notice the difference between a tensed muscle and a relaxed muscle. As you practice this technique and improve the mind-muscle connection, you will become better at noticing when a muscle group becomes tense and you can shift your focus to recalling what that muscle felt like when it was loose and relaxed (which you would command the body to do).
- Autogenic training: involves lying in a comfortable position and listening to a relaxing audio recording, such as sounds of nature, ocean waves etc. The goal with this form of muscle relaxation is to breathe comfortably and mentally focus on creating a sense of relaxation in each individual body part as you scan your body from head to toe.
- Exercise – Simply put. Just get moving! Research shows that even low intensity exercise such as walking can have a notable effect at reducing anxiety (Smith, 2013). However like many things in life, the more effort you put out, the better result you get... and exercise is no different. If you engage in high intensity exercise, it has an even more profound effect on reducing anxiety (Cox et al., 2004).
2. Use The Right Self-Talk
There is always some sort of dialogue going through our head.
Thoughts about what we plan to do. Questions we ask ourselves, automatic thoughts that just pop-up, etc.
Our job is to get good at recognizing what we are thinking about and identify if we want to continue exploring this train of thought or change the channel in our mind to something else.
When you feel anxious and stressed, there are 2 different types of self-talk I recommend engaging in.
- Relaxing self-talk
What we say to ourselves has a profound effect on how we feel.
For example, let’s say you are having a particularly busy, stressful day and it is beginning to feel overwhelming.
And let’s say your self-talk goes something like this, “I can’t stand this, there is so much to do and I can’t get it all done! Why does life have to be this busy? Why am I not getting any help? I can’t do all of this. I don’t know how much longer I can take this.”
As you can probably imagine, engaging in this type of self-talk is like adding gasoline to a fire.
Now by contrast, let’s say you tried something like this, “I need to calm down. I can handle this – I always do. None of this is really an emergency. I just need to slow down and breathe a little. Life won’t always be this busy. I might even miss this pace someday”.
Not surprisingly, the second example, which incorporates relaxing self-talk, is much more likely to reduce feelings of stress and anxiety and help you feel less overwhelmed.
Practice using relaxing self-talk during the course of the day when you find yourself feeling stressed out and pressured.
As you practice this skill, you will ultimately come up with the best self-talk statements that create a sense of peace and calm for you.
- Evidence-based self-talk
We all get automatic, anxiety provoking thoughts.
What are those?
Thoughts that pop into your mind and warn you of potential danger.
When these thoughts show up, it is our job to evaluate them and decide if there is potential danger in our future or is the brain simply going overboard with trying to protect you.
So, how do we evaluate thoughts?
Essentially, it is all about asking questions.
And the mantra we typically want to follow is, “To the best of my knowledge, in a given situation, what does the evidence tell me?”
After asking this question, we want to dig a little further with a few more follow-up questions such as:
- What is the percent chance of this (thought or situation I fear) happening?
- What is most likely to happen?
- What is the worst thing that can happen and can I handle it?
These are important questions to ask because if you find that there is little merit to your anxiety-provoking thoughts, examining the evidence will help to create a sense of calm. This skill will become particularly effective as you develop the habit of challenging your thoughts with evidence.
However, if after examining the evidence, there are still plenty of reasons to be worried, that’s important to know too.
It just means that some action needs to be taken to handle this issue.
In this case, stress and anxiety are doing their job by bringing this issue to your attention. Now, it is your job to use evidence and logic to take appropriate action to solve the problem so can return to a state of peace and calm.
3. Make Problems The Correct Size
You have probably heard the saying that there are no guarantees in life except for death and taxes.
I think it’s pretty safe to say that problems can be added to this list. A life without problems is…well, I’ve heard it said that the only people without problems live in graveyards.
Our job is to recognize problems and worries quickly, make them the correct size and assign them the appropriate amount of worry (which is also accompanied by appropriate self-talk, of course!).
Typically most problems and worries are given too much significance, which leads to more intense feelings of stress and anxiety.
Generally speaking, most problems in life are small and don’t pose a significant threat to our livelihood ... and SMALL is the amount of attention and worry they deserve.
And in our quest to keep problems the correct size, one particular thought pattern we want to watch out for is catastrophizing.
What is catastrophizing?
Catastrophizing is a way of thinking that leads us to believe that something is far worse than it actually is.
What can make this thought process particularly damaging, besides the feelings of stress and anxiety it creates, is that we are likely to avoid things that we need to do because we expect them to be too painful.
A good example of this would be doing your taxes. The longer you put it off, the bigger the task appears to become. A narrative forms in your head about how big and onerous and painful the task will be…until you do it and realize it wasn’t that bad.
Fortunately, scientists have an interest in the effects of catastrophizing and Morewedge et al. (2005) conducted a study which can help to contain the negative effects of catastrophizing.
In their study, they had participants split into two groups and imagine their reaction to future negative events.
One group was asked to recall their worst experience, while the other group was asked to recall any bad experience.
The researchers discovered that the group who imagined their worst possible experience made more moderate predictions about the future negative emotional impact of an event when compared to the other group.
This is good news as people typically experience the negative emotions they predict for themselves. And in this case, the group who recalled their worst possible experiences predicted that the negative outcome wouldn’t be that bad, because that was their experience when it happened.
So, the valuable takeaway from this study is that the best way to deal with catastrophizing is simply to imagine the worst thing that has happened to you in a similar situation.
Typically, things rarely turn out as badly as we think they will.
And in the very rare instances where things may have turned out quite badly, you handled it. I know this, because you are still here, reading this article.
4. Use Mindfulness
Despite being popular in the eastern world for centuries, it is only recently that mindfulness meditation has gained traction in the western world.
And it has in a big way!
And I’m not referring to the scads of media coverage or the feature on the cover of Time magazine.
Rather, I’m talking about the studies which have shown that people practising mindfulness meditation have demonstrated improvements in areas such as mood, concentration, compassion, cognition and anxiety.
In a recent study by Hoge et al. (2016), the researchers discovered that mindfulness helped to decrease anxiety by decreasing the body’s inflammatory response, while also causing a notable reduction in stress hormone levels.
And another added benefit of mindfulness is that it doesn’t need to take much time to enjoy the benefits. A 2013 study by Zeidan et al., found that four, 20 minute classes of mindfulness meditation reduced anxiety by up to 39%.
Clearly, this is a skill well-worth learning in our pursuit to calm an anxious mind.
How To Use Mindfulness Meditation
There are 4 key steps to remember when practising mindfulness.
Relax the body – It is important to get into a comfortable position such as sitting up straight or lying down (mindfulness can also be practised while moving but I prefer clients to begin learning this skill while being stationary). As long as you are comfortable (and stationary!), pretty much any position is fair game.
Breathe comfortably – When practising mindfulness, it is important to engage in slow, deep breathing from the abdomen.
Don’t engage your thoughts – This is one time where you don’t want to address your thoughts whether they are good, bad or indifferent. This should be the closest thing to a timeout you get from your thoughts while you are awake, as all thoughts are to be treated like thought bubbles, harmlessly floating by... not to be judged or engaged.
Find something to focus on – With mindfulness, you want to focus your attention. Once again, there is a choice here. You could focus on your breathing, a beautiful view or even the feeling of your feet touching the ground. While doing this, expect your mind to wander. In a recent study by the Microsoft Corporation, it was found that the human attention span has dropped to 8 seconds. To put that into perspective, goldfish have an attention span of 9 seconds.
Yes, you read that correctly!
So, needless to say, expect your mind to wander. Your job is to recognize when this happens and gently refocus your attention without becoming frustrated.
5. Make peace with acceptance
“Assertively control the things you can and let go of the things you can’t.”
I have been saying this to clients for the better part of 20 years.
Easy to say – not so easy to do.
Generally speaking, we like control. Just like our pal, Patrick Warburton, the control enthusiast.
As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, the brain is designed to keep us safe and the more control we have over things, the safer (and sexier!) we feel. If you didn’t watch the above video clip, that “sexier” comment made no sense and probably seemed a bit odd! My apologies.
So, moving on, there are many areas in life in which we have little or no control and this can cause significant feelings of stress and anxiety if our emotions are not managed well.
The examples here are endless, here are a few to highlight the point:
- Political unrest in the world (i.e., potential war, The Donald, etc.)
- Nature doing its worst (i.e., hurricanes, earthquakes, etc.)
- The state of the economy
- The safety of your children
- Trusting your partner to remain faithful
- The safety of driving
- And on and on it goes...
But acceptance doesn’t always mean there is a complete lack of control. When a situation can be influenced, it will likely make you feel more calm (and in control) to try and influence it.
But when things can’t be changed, the only way to reduce feelings of stress and anxiety is to accept that there are many things in life that are beyond our control....and it is our job to relax and make peace with accepting them.
Because fortunately, the things we can’t control typically work out (i.e., the structural integrity of the building you are sitting in, gravity, the internet working, etc.).
And we have some good science to support accepting the things we can’t control.
Haines et al. (2016) conducted a study in which they asked participants to indicate how they managed their emotions, as well as determine how much control they had over the situation.
After monitoring the study participants for a one week period, it was found that people with the highest levels of mental health changed their strategy based on the amount of control they had in a given situation.
In other words, when the study participants had less control in a situation, they were more likely to accept the outcome, as they realized there was little they could do to change things.
In situations where they had more control, the study participants focused their efforts on attempting to create positive change.
So, the take home message from this study is that flexibility with how you think and act is critical when it comes to maintaining a sense of peace and calm in your daily life.
6. Be optimistic
I remember stumbling upon this quote in grade 11 English class. It really struck a chord with me and for some reason, has always stuck with me.
Fortunately, it hasn’t become my mantra, nor is it a component of my personal mission statement.
However, if this quote consistently represents your daily outlook, it is hard to create a sense of peace and calm in your mind.
Why?
As it stands currently, your mind is already on the outlook for danger, but with a harsh, negative outlook on life, your mind is essentially primed to seek out the negative and all of the potential danger that comes with it.
So, how do we fix this pattern?
In short, be more optimistic.
New research shows that optimistic thinking can change areas of the brain (i.e., the Orbital Frontal Cortex or OFC for short) which create anxious feelings (Dolcos et al., 2015).
To summarize quickly, Dr. Dolcos and his team found that optimistic thinkers had larger OFC’s and experienced less anxiety, while study participants with smaller OFC’s were found to be less optimistic and more anxious.
So, thinking optimistically can literally change the size and functionality of your brain.
Clearly, we want to become more optimistic in our pursuit of a calm, peaceful mind.
Our 4 Step Plan To Improve Optimism
There are 4 key steps to help improve optimism.
Step 1: Recognize when you are being negative
For some members of my family, this could become a new full-time job! But all ribbing aside, begin to monitor how you typically respond to different thoughts and situations in your daily life.
Is it negative or generally positive?
If we are going to get better at changing this pattern, awareness is always the first step.
Step 2: Search for the positive
And I don’t mean in a Pollyanna sort of way.
For any millennial reading this article, I should probably call a quick timeout and give a definition for that “older person” word.
Now that we’ve got the definition out of the way, you to avoid being too pollyanna and actively search for some evidence or fact that can help you feel more positive or optimistic about a thought or situation.
Step 3: When positive is difficult to find, reframe it
Inevitably, you will encounter thoughts or situations where the answer to the question, “What is good about this?” is a resounding ....nothing!
In those cases, you want to find a way to reframe things (i.e., view things in a manner that provides a positive meaning).
For example, let’s say that you recently began an exercise and healthy eating plan and discovered after the first 2 weeks that you gained 5 pounds!
This could be viewed as a significant negative or it could simply be reframed as feedback.
You now know one approach that doesn’t work. You simply need to adjust your approach until you find something that does work. It doesn’t need to become a reason to be negative or to quit.
Step 4: Prioritize time each day to focus on what is going well
When life is busy and stressful, it can be easy to slip into a pattern of focusing on things like: what needs to be done, what isn’t going well and what potential problems lie ahead.
To change this pattern, begin by spending at least 5 minutes each day focusing on what is going well in your life.
This can include big areas such as health or relationships and extend all the way to smaller areas such as looking forward to what you are eating at your next meal.
For anyone reading this article that feels highly pessimistic about their prospects for change, I have a challenge (and some encouragement!) for you.
Devote the next 66 days to following this 4-step optimism plan.
Why 66 days?
Recent research out of University College London in 2009 indicates that it takes 66 days to create a new habit (yes, we once thought it was 21 days but this doesn’t seem to be enough time).
So, in a little over 2 months it should be much easier to feel more optimistic as following the steps in this plan will become habitual!
7. Make time to be in nature
One of the great benefits of living in the north is we either live in or have quick access to beautiful scenery and the great outdoors.
There is something special about being in nature. The longer you spend time in nature, it’s almost as if our internal clock slows down and we become recalibrated to the correct pace - the speed of nature.
And at this pace, strong feelings of peace and calm tend to emerge. It’s no wonder that once the snow melts, people routinely make their way “to camp” as soon as possible.
But don’t take my word about for it. In a new study in the Journal of Health Psychology, Martyn and Brymer (2016) found that people who feel connected to nature have lower levels of anxiety.
Interestingly enough, you may not even have to be in nature to enjoy the psychological benefits. Cox et al. (2017) found that people who live in neighbourhoods with trees, birds and shrubs experience better mental health, including lower levels of anxiety.
And if that wasn’t enough to convince you about the power of nature, researchers have found that simply having a view of a natural green space out your window contributes to improved mental health (Nutsford et al., 2016).
However, with all of these studies, there is one critical ingredient.
You must take time to enjoy and connect with nature.
And fortunately, it doesn’t take much time to enjoy the benefits of nature. Recent research shows that the psychological benefits of being in nature can be experienced in as little as 40 seconds!
CONCLUSION
So there you have it! 7 essential strategies for calming an anxious mind.
And for those of you who have been becoming progressively more stressed and anxious over the course of many years, there is good news.
It doesn’t need to take years to become more calm and peaceful.
Some researchers estimate that it takes as little as 45 days for the brain to establish new neural pathways.
This is highly encouraging news because it means that you have the capacity to build new circuits in your brain that create feelings of peace and calm.
It’s a bit like being your own personal electrician.
So, let’s get started!
You could be as little as 45 days away from a more calm, peaceful life.
What strategies do you find helpful to calm an anxious mind?
Do You Have Mental Health Questions?
The first step to living the life you deserve is to identify issues that are getting in your way.
About Sullivan + Associates
Sullivan + Associates Clinical Psychology is a full-service psychology clinic in Thunder Bay, Ontario. It was founded in 2007, by co-founders Jennifer and Trevor Sullivan, and has since grown to 44 team members including 28 Master and Doctoral Clinicians. In the past 12 years, we have provided services for over 20,000 children, adolescents, and adults. During this time, our Clinicians have been able to serve the community of Thunder Bay and Northwestern Ontario by providing over 100,000 client appointments.
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Why Is Change So?!?! Hard? And What To Do About It!!
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Change
It’s everywhere.
Think about it for a moment.
Seasons change. Fashions change. Technologies change. Looks change. Laws change.
Songs are written about change.
So, if change is so common, why is it so hard to do? And why is it so hard to change something that we want to change?!?!
I don’t know that there is an easy answer to that question but I have a theory.
Generally speaking, we are creatures of habit. When we find thoughts and behaviours that meet our needs (whether they are healthy or not), we tend to stick with them. And when we find something that works, we are reluctant to change.
So, the key to change is convincing yourself how new thoughts and behaviours can better serve your needs.
And how do you do this?
Let’s start by looking at the two basic driving forces of human behaviour: pain and pleasure. Simply put, we tend to make decisions based on our desire to avoid pain or to seek pleasure.
So, if there is something you want to change in your life, it is helpful to associate as much pain as possible to the behaviour you want to change and create significant pleasure for engaging in a new pattern of behaviour.
So, let’s assume you’ve targeted the area in your life that you want to change. And you are highly motivated to change!
How long do you need to hang in there until the change takes hold? Is it really worth going after?
Recent research out of University of College London shows that in order for a change to become a habit, it takes an average of 66 days (Lally et al., 2009). Smaller changes tend to take less time, bigger changes take more.
All things considered, that’s a pretty short timeframe to create lasting change, especially when you consider that a true force of nature such as evolution often takes thousands of years to create a better version of ourselves (aren’t you happy to be walking upright?!).
But needless to say, creating lasting change in a relatively short period of time is no easy task.
Below I will discuss a 10-step plan to help create change in any area of life that you target.
1. Know Your WHY
You need to know WHY you want to change. Change is hard, so there better be a compelling reason to want to change; otherwise, you are likely to fall short of your goal.
Let’s say, for example, you want to lose weight (which is a common goal I hear from clients).
Your why should include reasons that make avoiding change painful and make the prospect of change, pleasurable.
So, let’s start with possible “pain” examples:
- I hate what it feels like getting winded just walking up the stairs.
- I am going to a wedding in 6 months on a tropical island and I want to look good in my dress.
- I want to be able to play with my grandchildren when I get older. If I don’t lose weight, that won’t be possible.
In case you are wondering how I came up with these, the examples I chose here are actual reasons I have heard from people over the years who wanted to lose weight and went on to achieve their goal.
And although having “pain” underlie your WHY may not be particularly positive, it works. New research in the Psychological Bulletin indicates that one specific type of pain, fear, can be helpful in producing change (Tannenbaum et al., 2007). What is particularly compelling about this study is that their conclusions were drawn by analyzing 127 studies (including 27,000 participants) over the past 50 years.
And for those of you who prefer a more positive, uplifting approach in establishing your WHY for making change, it will be important to focus on the pleasure you will gain by achieving the goal.
And one effective way to accomplish this goal, while also opening your mind to change, is to engage in a self-affirmation exercise where you spend 10 minutes each day focusing on what’s important to you. This could include areas such as physical health, family, mental health, friends, children, career, etc. The key is that the area you select must be meaningful to you.
Once you have selected an area (or areas) to focus on, it is important to create compelling statements that are designed to help you seek pleasure and proper you towards your goal.
In sticking with our weight loss example, here are a few possible WHY reasons.
- I want to run a marathon.
- I need to be in peak physical health to enjoy my life to the fullest.
- I want to look great in a bathing suit when I am out in public (and I suppose we could substitute the word “naked” into that sentence as well…we are in the province of Ontario after all!).
Ideally, I would encourage you to have both “pain” and “pleasure” reasons when establishing your WHY.
You will need it to refer to, particularly when the going gets tough, as life routinely does.
2. Pick a better, had time
You have probably heard sayings such as, “there is no time like the present” or “there is never a good time, so you might as well start now”.
While I do believe it is possible to make a change at any time, I think your chances of making successful lasting change go down exponentially if you pick a particularly difficult time to start.
I’ll use an example to highlight my point.
When my daughter Alexa was born she was colicky for the first 10 months of her life.
That was possibly the longest 10 months of my life!
During that time period, I could have begun a plan to make a change in my life. And to be fair, if it was extremely important to change, I’m sure I could have made it happen.
But without significant leverage (e.g., something impacting the health and safety of myself or my family, etc.), it would have been extremely difficult to change anything in my life at that time.
Instead, I had more meagre goals such as going from one sleep-deprived, irritable day-to-the next praying that the colicky phase would come to an end!
So, needless to say, when it comes to making change, it is important to set yourself up to succeed. Selecting a bad time to make a change, especially if it is a particularly difficult change to make, will likely lead to 2 things: failure to make the change you want and feelings of discouragement about your ability to make the change.
When you decide to change something, ideally you only want to pursue it once and turn it into a habit from there.
And the best way to do that is to pick a time when things are somewhat settled in life.
3. Pick one thing and park the rest (for now)
To be fair, there is research to show that you can make multiple changes at one time.
In reality, this is very difficult to do.
Let’s say, for instance, you would like to quit drinking alcohol, quit smoking, lose weight and learn a new language.
While this would be impressive, it is best to start by picking just one thing to change!
Why?
Because change is usually hard and it is quite difficult to make (and maintain) multiple changes at one time. And with each change you add, there is an increased risk that you will fall prey to “all or nothing thinking” (i.e., if I can’t make all of these changes at once, then I might as well give up on everything I’m attempting to change).
You have nothing but time to make any number of changes in life and you will likely be more successful if you focus on one change at a time.
4. Write it down (and measure it)
There is something about writing down what you want. It’s more than just putting pen to paper (or fingers to a keyboard or touch screen).
It makes it real. It provides a greater sense of commitment. And it is there to review.
And when you write it down, it is important to have a baseline measure for where you are starting.
For example, if you are attempting to quit smoking, it’s important to know how many cigarettes you smoke right now.
Also, be specific about what you want to change. In sticking with the smoking example, what is the goal? Is it to go from smoking a full pack of cigarettes to a half-pack? Is it to be a non-smoker?
This might sound a bit tedious but if you are taking a trip, you need an end destination. Imagine trying to tell your G.P.S. that you want to go Southish. If you’re using an iPhone, Siri will probably scold you for not being specific. Or at the very least, tell you, “I don’t understand. Please try again!”
So, if being vague isn’t good enough for Siri, it isn’t good enough for us! We need to be specific and write downplay if we intend to create a plan for lasting change.
5. Figure out the pattern that isn’t working
Whenever we set a goal to make a change, it is usually because something isn’t working in our lives.
It could be an area in life that was good at one time but has deteriorated, or perhaps it’s just an area that needs to improve as life has become more demanding.
Regardless, there is usually a pattern of thinking and behaving that we are running, that isn’t working well enough.
For instance, let’s say you want to lose 20 pounds. There’s likely a pattern of eating (i.e., overeating or eating too many foods that are full of fat and sugar) and activity (not enough activity or not the right type of activity) that has caused the problem.
So, needless to say, you need a plan. With the above example, you’ll want a plan for eating healthy and exercising out for starters (assuming you are in good physical health and ready to get started).
From there, you are going to want to plan a little further because simply having a plan to eat healthily and exercise regularly probably won’t be enough to get the job done.
For example, other areas you might want to plan for include:
- Establishing a time to have “less than healthy food” (having a plan to never eat junk food again likely isn’t going to work).
- Create a plan to eat healthy when treats and goodies are all around you (perhaps at work, where certain staff members insist on continually bringing this stuff in, or when you go to a restaurant).
- Target times when you are most susceptible to deviating from your healthy eating plan (e.g., between 8-10pm in the evening when you finally sit down after a stressful day and feel like you deserve a treat (or two), likely with a glass of wine (or two) after a hard day).
- Plan to prepare healthy meals.
- Establish a time to fit exercise into your day.
- Get enough sleep so you have energy to exercise.
- Create variety with exercise and nutrition so you can avoid boredom.
- Have a plan to successfully cope with all of the above items so you don’t decide that change is too much work and life is fine just the way it is!
You don’t need to plan for every possible hurdle, but it is important to plan for the ones you expect to come up against.
Chances are this isn’t your first crack at changing something. The good news is that you have the advantage of hindsight and can be better prepared this time.
6. Plan for obstacles
You mean with all of this planning, more obstacles are going to come up?
Didn’t we just finish planning for the usual hurdles?
Didn’t you just joke about how there were quite a few things to prepare for already and encouraged me not to become overwhelmed and give up?
And now you are telling me there is more to prepare for.
Yep.
In all likelihood, there will be more obstacles along the way. Both the expected and the unexpected.
Hey, as we established at the start, change usually isn’t easy. But it’s far from impossible and it comes to the persistent.
In this section, I’ll take a look at 4 of the most common obstacles that usually come up and interfere with our ability to make change.
- Life gets busy
Of course, life is always busy. But it tends to go in fits and starts and there are times when it becomes very busy.
Not surprisingly, life often gets busy shortly after we decide to make a change or set a goal. Life does seem to have a sense of humour.
So, when life gets busy there needs to be a plan of attack to stay the course with whatever it is you intend to change.
- Fatigue
With a busy life, often comes fatigue and a lack of sleep. When you get tired, it can be difficult to continue pushing forward and pursuing change when you feel wiped out.
What is your plan to push through fatigue?
What is the plan to minimize fatigue in the first place?
This is an area that you definitely want to prepare for and consistently monitor, so you don’t fall off track when pursuing your goal.
- Negative emotions
What are negative emotions?
Mad, Sad, Scared, Stressed and Bored would probably cover the 5 most common ones.
And when you feel this way (as we all do, at any one time or another), it can derail change in a hurry.
In order to tackle this area, it is helpful to anticipate which negative emotions have interfered with your ability to make change in the past and develop a plan to manage these emotions successfully.
Ideally, you want to develop a plan to catch these thoughts and feelings quickly, as well as an effective strategy to manage your negative emotions.
For instance, let’s say that feeling sad is the emotion that typically derails your progress. It would be helpful to list common automatic negative thoughts, feelings or situations that arise so you can be prepared.
The next step would be to develop a plan to change how you feel by altering your physiology (body). This could be accomplished by using a relaxation technique such as mindfulness, engaging in deep breathing, using self-soothing strategies, or perhaps, you may decide to radically change your physiology by engaging in a short burst of strenuous physical exercise.
Once you have changed your physiology, it would be helpful to challenge automatic negative thoughts with evidence-based self-talk, as well as prioritizing a bit of time to focus on what is going well in your life. If there is a challenging situation that is negatively impacting your mood, this would be the time to develop a plan to address it.
- Resolve internal conflicts
As if life wasn’t already complicated enough, we have conflicting thoughts.
What are conflicting thoughts?
These thoughts occur when we have two thoughts that oppose one another.
Here are a few examples:
- I want to eat whatever I want but still lose weight.
- I want to spend all of my free time with my family but I need to make time to exercise.
- I want to quit smoking but I don’t want to feel uncomfortable.
You get the idea!
These conflicts need to be resolved quickly; otherwise, you are going to feel conflicted every time you attempt to make change and pursue a new pattern of behaviour.
For instance, let’s use the time example listed above. You want to exercise regularly but you can’t seem to justify the time away from your children. In order to shift this thought (and possibly belief), it will be important to create a compelling reason that will move you to act consistently.
Here are a few possibilities…
It could be that you decide not exercising will ultimately take time away from your children, as simply won’t be around as long to enjoy them.
Perhaps, it is the realization that exercise needs to be shifted from something you do in your spare time to something that is a must, and you need to take the time from somewhere else in your life.
Or possibly, you come to the realization that it needs to be quality over quantity when it comes to spending time with your children. You make peace with the fact that a bit of extra time away from them to exercise does not need to negatively impact the relationship. Rather, it could improve the quality of your relationship, as you come to the realization that your limited time means that the quality of time you spend with your children must improve.
It doesn’t matter what reason you come up with. It just needs to be compelling to you, so you can ultimately settle that internal conflict and consistently follow through with your plan to create change.
7. If you fall off the bandwagon, make it a pit stop.
With any change you attempt to make, chances are you won’t do it perfectly (i.e., there’s a good chance you are going to slip up a time or two, or ten!).
The important thing is when, and probably not if, you stumble on the way, make it a pit stop.
And don’t fall prey to thinking and behaviour traps such as the “What-The-Hell Effect”.
No, I’m not making that up.
The “What-The-Hell Effect” is an actual scientific term used in psychology to describe what happens when we slip up on the way towards achieving a goal and then decide to blow it big time.
For example, let’s say someone is following a healthy eating plan and decides to have a slice of cake they weren’t initially planning to eat.
Realizing that they have now “blown it”, the thought process with the “What-he-Hell Effect” would go something like this, “I’ve blown it now. I might as well have another slice of cake, a bowl of ice cream and a few cookies. Today is just a write-off. I might as well just eat whatever I want.”
So, when the inevitable slip-up does occur, you want to catch it quickly, forgive yourself (self-affirmation has been proven to help with this) and recommit to the change you want to make.
Whenever you are looking to make a change, following a path of progress always needs to be the mantra. As long as you are continuing to make progress towards your goal, it’s working!
You will eventually get to where you need to go.
8. Have a timeline
With any change you intend to make, it is essential to have a timeline.
Without one, the change can seem too big and too difficult. For example, let’s say someone has an issue with drinking alcohol and they say to themselves, “I just need to stop drinking....forever”.
Initially, this is going to feel too big and too daunting to do. Instead, it is better to select a relatively short timeline for starters.
Depending on what you are attempting to change, your timeline could be a day, a week, a month, 2 months or longer.
For example, with someone who struggles with drinking alcohol, they may focus on avoiding alcohol one day at a time; whereas, a professional athlete who is looking to lose 10 pounds to make weight for an upcoming competition, might focus on change with a 12-week timeline.
Generally speaking, a good rule of time is to keep your blocks of time as short as possible when you are setting a goal. Change always feels more achievable when you chunk time into short intervals.
But remember, it is still a good idea to periodically take a peek at the number 66 on the calendar. Of course, this isn’t a magic number but if you can largely maintain a change for 66 days, there is good research that suggests it should become much easier to maintain that change, new thoughts and behaviour become more habitual and less mental energy is required to complete the task.
9. Make time to follow-up
With any change, the only way to know how well you are doing is to assess your progress.
For example, if you were attempting to learn a new skill, such as a martial art, you could measure progress by achieving a higher belt level (or demonstrating progress in that direction). If you are learning cross-stitch, you would expect to be able to do more demanding patterns or should be at a higher belt level. If you are trying to become more physically fit, you should be able to perform or complete a project in a shorter amount of time. You get the idea.
Without measuring, there is no way to know if you are moving towards achieving your goal in a timely manner.
Now, I know some of you are probably thinking, “I’ll just get started and see how it goes.” I implore you not to fall prey to the dreaded “feels like” measurement.
What is a “feels like” measurement?
Well, that isn’t a psychology term (I just made it up), but if it catches on I am happy to take credit! What I mean by the “feels like” measurement” is just using your best guess at whether or not something has improved, as opposed to using a consistent, reliable form of measurement.
For instance, if you want to lose weight, it is a much better idea to use a tape measure to check the size of your waist as opposed to going with the “I think my pants feel a bit looser” form of measurement.
I realize there is some risk with measuring, as there is a fear of feeling disappointed and ultimately giving up on your goal. However, when it comes down to it, you need to know the facts if you hope to successfully achieve your goal.
And if you happen to fall short of where you expect to be, that’s OK. This needs to be viewed as an opportunity. It’s a chance to recommit or to make mid-course corrections and adjustments.
If you are willing to do this, there is an excellent chance that you will eventually achieve the results you want.
And remember, don’t fall prey to the expectation that any change you attempt to make should be achieved on your first attempt.
Life isn’t like that. So, there is no need to be discouraged if you don’t make the change you want on the first attempt.
If the change is worth making, be in it for the long haul.
10. Celebrate
I saved the best for last. Out of all 10 steps, this one should be the easiest. But it is still important.
When you successfully make a change, it is important to celebrate.
Why?
Because you want your brain to associate as you want, it is important to celebrate because you want your brain to have a positive association between putting effort into making change and achieving the goal.
And, of course, when you achieve your goal, don’t celebrate by engaging in the old behaviour you just changed.
For instance, if your goal is to lose 20 pounds, don’t celebrate by going out to your favourite restaurant and tearing up the buffet.
We are going after lasting change here!
CONCLUSION
So, there you have it! A 10-point, step-by-step plan for creating permanent change.
And the single biggest challenge you will have in making any change will be managing your emotions while you stay the course or make mid-course corrections.
But it will be worth it!
The essence of life is change. We are designed to grow and “evolve” for the better.
And another thing that makes change particularly exciting is the opportunity to design your life the way you want it.
As time passes, you are going to change. Why not commit to making the change you want?
Are there any steps you would have added to help create positive, lasting change?